"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
