Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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