After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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