i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
