nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
