i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
