the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize