Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
