drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
