I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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