id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How does it feel to date your dad?
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