seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this boner is exhausting
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
