4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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