I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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