Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
