Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize