trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
