Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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