Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
