the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
time to smoke my breakfast
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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