Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
