She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
