he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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