Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize