WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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