yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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