if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we're making bets on your personal life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
