we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
