there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
