I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
