The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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