Why does Corona taste like a burp?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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