fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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