dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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