we made out on top of his cat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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