Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
id be glad to
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
