I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
