I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
