please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
