I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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