my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
