do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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