she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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