Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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