my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
