I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
