Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
