I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
