I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
