Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
