I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
