i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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