You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
