While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
