He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
