Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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