My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
