So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
