glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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