It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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