I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
