Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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