you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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