is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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