My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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