Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
