If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
