There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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