You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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