I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
