Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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