...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize