My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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