Define "chronic" masturbator.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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