I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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