People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
