My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
