Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
