i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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