He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
