I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
