North Korea, Best Korea!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Success! We fucked roommates!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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