theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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