these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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