The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
