You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
