Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
