Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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