If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
