I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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