Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
