Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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