Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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