When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
