i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
