nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i would punch a child for taco bell
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
