you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I lost the right to judge tonight
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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