i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
