I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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