Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it hurts more in the daytime
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
