my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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