mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
