we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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