Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
